Provider

I have been worried these last couple months about finances. Part of a big step in being here in Wausau was going to Financial Peace University at the church. I have been being challenged to be faithful and wise with the finances that I have. But have you ever created a budget off of a part-time, minimum wage job? It can be difficult, especially in the holiday season.

What is interesting is that I have been convicted in the area of giving. I wish I could say that I considered myself a pretty 'giving' person, but when I look at the things I typically spend my money on, it seems rather obvious that this isn't the case. As I attmepted to create a budget off of my simple income, I was challenged to both give to the church regularly and allot an amount of money to be spent on other people.

The first month actually went pretty well, and I was fairly surprised with the ease at which I was able to sucessfully complete my budget. I felt blessed to be able to give back to others, and was kind of excited that I was able to even save some money that month. But then this next month came along, and the yearnings for getting closer to my goal of saving for student loans overcame me and it became more important to me to put money aside for myself than for others.

Funny thing is that I don't think God was too impressed with that move, and He gave me opportunity after opportunity to give to others. . . which I did; but usually it was with an ungrateful heart. Every time I decided to spend money on someone else to help a need of their's I found my grip getting tighter on the cash and my heart growing slightly colder towards those individuals.

Yesterday in particular I was challenged and that was when I began to realize that God has called me to give with a grateful heart, and more than that, He is the one whose money it really is. If I am unwilling to give to others, I am not fulfilling the commission that God has given me: to serve others.

This month has been a bit of a challenge for me, and like I said before, because I work a part-time minimum wage job I am pretty low on the income charts. So I began to apply again at different places, knowing full well that God has placed me where I am at for specific purposes. The whole waiting thing is something I just have never been good at, and I got an interview for a 30hr a week, temporary position for 6-8wks that I was really excited about.

When I went in for the interview I made them laugh, showed that I had obtained the proper skill sets to perform the position well, and yet I was informed the next day that I did not get the position. I closed my cell phone in frustration, and wanted to cry. I had already figured out how much I would have made, and it would have been enough to get me over the halfway mark towards my student loans.

I believe that God has a purpose for everything, and I know that He has been trying to get me to truly trust Him. He has already been providing me with free rent, basically free food, and minimal bills to worry about... and yet I have been trying to make more provisions for myself, when I know that God wants me to focus on other things right now. He will provide when the time is right, and so right now I have to be faithful in the little that He has given me.

Being faithful in the small things can be challenging when you are wanting the big things. The little things seem menial and unsubstantial. But God has shown Himself to be the provider and to be the master over everything. So again, I wait and humbly learn how to trust in the One who knows exactly what He is doing. ;)

Keep Walking!