I Know (Kari)

Err...Bethany, Are we all allowed to post on here? For some reason, it's letting me...so...um....here goes. (Love, Kari):

Lately I've been painfully challenged be obedient to God and take steps of faith that are really difficult to take...ones I'm scared to take and ones that I'm hurting over and that seem so "wrong" even though I know they are right.

I've been learning a lot about how unfulfilling life is when I live it based off of feelings and following my heart...and my mom always tells me that the heart is deceiving and will fail me every time...and it does. It makes me think of a book I read a while ago that said that said that you shouldn't follow your heart, you should lead it (in regards to living in obedience to Christ). I guess the heart can really wander, and if you follow your heart, you end up all over the place and everywhere except for where you need to be.

I can't claim to be a perfect Christian...and I am far, far from it to be perfectly honest...FAR. But I guess sometimes I wonder if I really needed a hard fall to realize exactly where my heart is, and how desperately I need God to fulfill those areas I sought to have fulfilled everywhere else (and only to bitter disappointment).

There are times where I question why God can't just bring me out of the mess quickly if my heart is in the right place and I really want to make changes, but I guess sometimes I have to look at is as that I walked into a dark, dark forest, and in the middle of it all, realized how lost and alone I was and realized only God could save me...and He is there, but I still have to walk through the other half of that forest to get out of it and it will still be hard and it will still hurt...but I am not alone. So as hard and scary as it is, I am really trying to learn how to trust that God really will lead me through this, and that even though it's incredibly painful now, when I'm through to the other side, there's something much greater waiting for me.

I guess the hard part now is continually trusting God, and not letting my faith be based on emotion, but obedience.

This song came to my head today...and I haven't heard it in years...but I cried for the better part of the afternoon listening to it over and over again...kind of my prayer right now:


I Know--Darrell Evans

Though I'm walling through the valley
Of the darkest hour I've known
Lord don't You leave me all alone

When I'm surrounded by the shadows
That seem to feed my fear
I will trust You
Though I may not feel You here

But I know that Your love is unfailing
Oh I know Your grace is so amazing
Oh I know even though my faith be shaken
Oh I still know I’ll never be forsaken
‘Cause You’re always faithful
I know

When my bed has been floating
On the flood of all my tears
Seems as though my joy has disappeared
Still I will not put my hope
In what I feel or see
I will cling to You
And Trust You’re holding me

Lord I don’t know where I’m walking
But I’ll take it day by day
And I’ll hold Your hand
And You will lead the way

And I know that Your love is unfailing
Oh I know Your grace is so amazing
Oh I know even though my faith be shaken
Oh I still know I’ll never be forsaken
‘Cause You’re always faithful
I know

Provider

I have been worried these last couple months about finances. Part of a big step in being here in Wausau was going to Financial Peace University at the church. I have been being challenged to be faithful and wise with the finances that I have. But have you ever created a budget off of a part-time, minimum wage job? It can be difficult, especially in the holiday season.

What is interesting is that I have been convicted in the area of giving. I wish I could say that I considered myself a pretty 'giving' person, but when I look at the things I typically spend my money on, it seems rather obvious that this isn't the case. As I attmepted to create a budget off of my simple income, I was challenged to both give to the church regularly and allot an amount of money to be spent on other people.

The first month actually went pretty well, and I was fairly surprised with the ease at which I was able to sucessfully complete my budget. I felt blessed to be able to give back to others, and was kind of excited that I was able to even save some money that month. But then this next month came along, and the yearnings for getting closer to my goal of saving for student loans overcame me and it became more important to me to put money aside for myself than for others.

Funny thing is that I don't think God was too impressed with that move, and He gave me opportunity after opportunity to give to others. . . which I did; but usually it was with an ungrateful heart. Every time I decided to spend money on someone else to help a need of their's I found my grip getting tighter on the cash and my heart growing slightly colder towards those individuals.

Yesterday in particular I was challenged and that was when I began to realize that God has called me to give with a grateful heart, and more than that, He is the one whose money it really is. If I am unwilling to give to others, I am not fulfilling the commission that God has given me: to serve others.

This month has been a bit of a challenge for me, and like I said before, because I work a part-time minimum wage job I am pretty low on the income charts. So I began to apply again at different places, knowing full well that God has placed me where I am at for specific purposes. The whole waiting thing is something I just have never been good at, and I got an interview for a 30hr a week, temporary position for 6-8wks that I was really excited about.

When I went in for the interview I made them laugh, showed that I had obtained the proper skill sets to perform the position well, and yet I was informed the next day that I did not get the position. I closed my cell phone in frustration, and wanted to cry. I had already figured out how much I would have made, and it would have been enough to get me over the halfway mark towards my student loans.

I believe that God has a purpose for everything, and I know that He has been trying to get me to truly trust Him. He has already been providing me with free rent, basically free food, and minimal bills to worry about... and yet I have been trying to make more provisions for myself, when I know that God wants me to focus on other things right now. He will provide when the time is right, and so right now I have to be faithful in the little that He has given me.

Being faithful in the small things can be challenging when you are wanting the big things. The little things seem menial and unsubstantial. But God has shown Himself to be the provider and to be the master over everything. So again, I wait and humbly learn how to trust in the One who knows exactly what He is doing. ;)

Keep Walking!

My Light and My Salvation

'Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
listen to my plea for grace.
In the day of my trouble I call upon you,
for you answer me...

Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I amy walk in your truth;
unite my heart to fear your name...

For great is your steadfast love toward me;
you have delivered my soul
from the depths of Sheol...


But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.'
Psalm 86 (portions of)ESV

Sometimes life can seem like walking through a cave. The cave entrance bears a sign saying, "Welcome! Enjoy the journey!" and then, in minuscule lettering near the bottom letters form to say, "whatever you do; keep walking forward."

At the start there is light illuminating the way and we can walk in confidence. But as we continue deeper into the cavern, light is few and far between. Darkness begins to engulf you and the light that had comforted your journey at the beginning is far out of reach. This is about the time when your steps are few and far between.

It becomes increasingly difficult to put your foot forward when you don't know where it will land. You stop moving altogether and stand there; in darkness. 'Do I dare move forward when I don't know where I am going?' Temptations come to do one of two things (usually)-
1. sit down and cry out for help from something, someone, anything to come help you;
2. begin shuffling back toward the known light where you had entered in at.
There is a third option, one which you shutter to consider:
3. step forward and continue to walk.
This was the charge to you in the beginning; a silent voice saying, 'whatever you do, keep walking forward.'

Your mind is reeling, "How in the world can I continue stepping forward?! I can't see a thing!" Panic and anxiety rise as your heart beats faster and you weigh out your options. Would it really be so bad if you just went back to where you started? It was much more comfortable and you knew where you were at all times. Or what would happen if I just tested out my lung strength and cried out until someone reached me?

A silent whisper says, 'no. trust me. walk forward.'

And so... you do. From every corner of your being you are frightened and it seems as though someone has grabbed your heart and is squeezing all the blood out of it.

You don't fall, and ground is still beneath you. It's a long, and slow journey at times as you wander through the darkness, but you begin to see a glimpse again....of light. At first you wonder if it is an illusion, and then your eyes fix on it. Your steps quicken and you begin to travel quicker to get closer to the light. The light does not disappoint you as you gain ground. Nothing has felt so reassuring as the light that is now before you.

No longer engulfed in darkness, you are surrounded by a warming and comforting light. Your heart is full of rest You relish every moment of the sun beaming on your face.

There are times in our lives when we embark on a new journey. The start is usually filled with a lot of anticipation and excitement for the future. So many goals and aspirations lay before us and you know it will take time, but you are confident; for the time being. But as you begin to embark on the journey, it takes you on dips and turns that you weren't expecting. It's not as easy as you anticipated and the goals that you had made seem virtually unreachable. You may have fallen on the way, and you don't even look like the same person who had started the journey... This is about the time where most of us begin to cry out for help. We are looking for a way to get out of the situation that we find ourselves in and our prayer life has never looked so good. Our lungs explode with the air we begin to cry out with...but it begins to dawn on us that at the beginning of the journey we were told one thing, 'keep walking forward.' We are tempted to start back at the beginning, but it seems redundant as we have already begun to feed on something stronger and deeper than before and if we go back to where we were, we are always going to feel that longing for something more.

So we begin to walk. The only thing we hang on to is that faith and trust in the sign at the beginning. It takes time, but there is hope. Over time and with perseverance God rewards our obedience and we experience more than what we could hope or imagine for. The fullness of this reward may not be felt until the end of our lives, but God is faithful in providing even the smallest encouragements along the way.

So continue to walk. Our God is merciful. His love is steadfast. It is loyal.

"For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you." Psalm 86:5

A New Morning

The last post depicted a beautiful morning of glittering grass and crystalline water; but this morning was damp and lacking the rays of light that helps one get out of bed. You can't help but think that it's going to be a long day, and maybe even a long journey of life before you.

I was able to peel myself out of bed, but didn't have a great grand plan for the day and that makes me feel like I will end up wasting it away...I guess I have been looking at the fact that I have four years of college in me with not much to show for it and feel discouraged that I either wasted time and money, or am missing out on the mission that God has for me. Trying to sort through life in general just has me feeling like I am pushing tar with my two weak arms. It's all just so sticky and I feel as though I am walking down a road to nowhere.

How are we called to live this life? Some days the sun just doesn't shine, and life is hard. Maybe it's not just hard, it's down right shitty. It may be hard to put a smile on the face and you really have no desire to even try...

Yet, we have the charge to, "listen to what God the LORD will say; He promises peace to his people, his saints— but let them not return to folly." (Psalm 85:8)
This verse has me trying to put things in perspective. I have been going through the book of faith; Hebrews, and have been challenged by the depth of faith that the saints exercised.

Moses was blessed and had an opportunity to rule the land of Egypt, bu instead he walked int eh truth of the ONE God, and then became the leader of the Israelites, even despite his cries to God that he was not a capable leader.

I feel this way often, and yet I don't think I could have the faith that Moses exhibited when he walked through the Red Sea as if it were dry ground. I most definitely am more like a Sarah, who understands divine providence working within the normal course of life instead of by divine miracles. (thinking of God promising her a son even in her old age)

Every day I wake up just like the rest, and wonder what life has for me today, and more often than not I don't expect life to surprise me. I don't know if I should walk in this way, but I do pray that God would increase my faith, as weak as it seems at times.

I guess...Keep Walking....Keep Seeking...Keep Living. Have Faith- and Believe- it's a new morning.

You Won't Relent by Kim Walker and Chris Quilalaa

A Challenge: Take a Hike.

This morning I got up

and decided to go for a walk, and I was greeted by a beautiful view. The frost was glittering on the dry wheat grass and the river was glistening in the sun.

I had left my cell phone on the counter, and took the time to listen and pray. Sometimes we need to just take a step away from our normal routine and give God the time to speak to us in new ways. This morning I was praying and asked for God to deepen a conviction of Him in my life, I felt that during my walk God was saying, "See! I'm all around you...enjoy me!"

The lyrics to this song popped in my head, and I thought I'd share them with you:

It's hard to take the first step
when I don't know the way.
Each turn is so uncertain,
I'll learn to walk by faith...
Because you've given me a promise,
That you would never leave...
You would lead and guide me,
Lord I do BELIEVE!

May this song be our prayer:

Hebrews 11: The Hall of Faith

Intimidated yet? "the hall of faith" is not supposed to be something that discourages us, but rather something that spurs us on to understand what faith really is and what God desires for His children. He WANTS to reward us. God's love is so great that even though we will prove to fall short in our lives, he has promised to reward those that seek Him and live a righteous life. If you look at some of the characters that are written about in this "Faith Hall", you will find that they all failed miserably in front of God....but they also did their best to please God with their lives too.

So what is this faith? What does it look like?

Heb. 11:1 says that faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for and the CONVICTION of things not seen. These people make up the "clouds of witnesses" which all speak testimony to God's Glory and help to remind us to persevere in our lives.

1. ABEL- I was actually surprised to see his name here because in my mind I simply saw him as the guy that died early on because of his jealous brother. The truth is that he is included in this list because of his righteousness and obedience. Abel sacrificed his best and was rewarded with death. But he "still speaks" because of his righteous act.

God desires our best. He rewards and commends us to live sacrificial lives so we can experience freedom in Him. [an eternity living with Him on a restored earth without sin]

2. ENOCH- He was simply known for "walking with God". And that's really all we know about him. He obtained a witness before death that pleased God and was rewarded. However, without faith, it is impossible to please Him. We must believe that God is a rewarder of those that seek Him because God promises to do so!

[Gen. 15:1; Dt. 4:29; 1 Ch. 28:9; Ps. 58:11; Is. 40:10]

3. NOAH- In reverence and without "seeing" the truth of God's claims, he built a HUGE ark on dry land without the slightest hint of rain, much less a flash flood. Noah's righteousness secured his faith. His faith was expressed in his obedience.

And that is exactly what God requires of us. FAITHFULNESS to him, and OBEDIENCE. It doesn't mean we won't screw up, but it does mean that we recognize the sacrifice He gave, His love shown through His Son's sacrifice, that we accept that gift and subsequently live in FAITH that God will reward us for being OBEDIENT to Him!

May God bless you as you are FAITHFUL. :)

God's Love

God has radically adjusted himself for us. A love relationship is a relationship of mutual giving and taking. It means sacrificing the things that you hold dear for the benefit of someone else. God, like I said, radically has done this for us. His love for us is shown in that he sent his one and perfect Son to die for us! God became vulnerable and in human form to take on the ultimate suffering so that we would not have to feel that depth of pain or distance from God again!

Christ, for us has said, "I will adjust to you. I will change for you. I'll serve you though it means sacrifice for me." If he has done this for us, we can and should say the same to God and others.

"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it up carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation."

Freedom, is not the absence of limitations and constraints but it is finding the right ones, those that fit our nature and liberate us.

2 Corinthians 5:14.

Inspired by Timothy Keller in A Reason for God.

"Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."

1. CONFIDENCE: because of Christ's work we can boldly enter into the presence of God.
2. THE VIEL, HIS FLESH: when Jesus' flesh was torn at His crucifixion, so was the temple veil that symbolically separated men from God's presence. When the High Priest on the Day of Atonement entered the Holy of Holies, the people waited outside for him to return. When Christ entered the heavenly temple He did not return. Instead, He opened the curtain and exposed the Holy of Holies so that we could follow Him. Here flesh is used as was body and blood to refer to the sacrificial death of the Lord Jesus.
3. DRAW WITH A SINCERE HEART: drawing near to God with a genuine desire and no ulterior motive.
4. FULL ASSURANCE OF FAITH: having an utter confidence in the promises of God.

New Music by Switchfoot